《我还能期盼什么》------杨森,Essien

杨森

《我还能期盼什么》——杨森Essien
　　病魔像蛀虫一样无情的吞噬着我，让我承受着常人难以想象的痛苦以及折磨，曾经拥有的那些快乐，早就随着天空的云彩烟消云散了，我还能期盼什么？——题记
　　病魔像蛀虫一样无情的吞噬着我，几乎全身的肌肉就像被它吃掉了一样在慢慢的减少，每天承受着常人难以想象的痛苦以及折磨，每天只能独自一人看电视或者玩手机，没有人陪我，我也出不去，孤独一直都在陪伴着我，几乎从未离开过。记得七年前的我是一个挺开朗挺快乐的人，如今却变的有些懦弱，最主要还是因为自卑，自卑感就象是一个包袱，是一个很难甩掉的包袱，因为有了这个包袱我的性格开始变的优柔寡断，曾经拥有的那些快乐，现在都早已随着天空的云彩烟消云散了。也许我上辈子是个坏人造孽太多，所以这辈子就该接受惩罚。只有好人才会有好报，坏人终将会给予应有的惩罚，所以我这辈子注定该孤独，注定要被病魔缠身，永远都无法都不可能挣脱出这被残酷命运扣上的枷锁…我每天都在痛苦的边缘挣扎着，试图从这该死的枷锁中挣脱出来，残酷的现实却一次次的告诉我，“不行挣脱不了，接受现实吧”……现实总是让我这么无奈，我只能无助的悲叹！悲叹这被命运所屈使的残酷人生，但我现在想明白了，既然现实已经是这样子，在怎么叹息也没用，我应该坚强的去面对这一切，虽然很难接受但逃避是绝对没有用的，就是想逃避可现实毕竟是现实，怎么又能逃避的了呢，我必需坚强起来，快乐起来，好好的活着，懦弱只会被人看不起……
　　我还能期盼什么？说实话我不知道，也许是爱情吧！呵呵，“森啊，别傻了，你觉得这可能吗，可能会有女孩爱上你吗？不可能的，放弃这个可笑的念头吧，难道你又想被别人无情的伤，这世界没人会真正在乎你，更没有人会来爱你，如果她在乎你爱你的话就不会伤你让你难受，也就不会不理你了，之所以没人爱你，或许是因为你没有那个资格你不配！”
　　我想爱情或许就是一种奢侈品，可有可无。有时候爱情就象是一种毒品，害人害己。罂粟花虽然美丽，但美丽背后确潜藏着一种很可怕的东西，一旦染上，你的思想，你的灵魂，就会全部被它主宰，根本无法自拔。就像爱情表面看起来很美，但当你爱上一个人的时候，你的思想还有灵魂就会被她主宰，会让你失去自我，迷失在爱情漩涡里，想逃脱都难。虽然如此但我依然相信爱情是很美妙的，世界因爱情而美丽。我不会爱也不懂爱情，但特别想拥有……
　　我唯一期盼的是你爱我，我也爱你，我才不管什么结果，我只要现在，过程永远比结果更重要。我想对你说有你真好……
　　希望爱我的和我爱的人都能够永远幸福、快乐、平安！！！

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